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Hello. Do you want to shake hands? :)

Rachel
~~Kong Hwa, 6/2~~
Dunman High, 1J/2J
rachelchia_@hotmail.com
I LOVE THE RED DEVILS. MANCHESTER UNITED <3
& dance ♥

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

Love, Me - Colin Raye

Just not good enough [ 8:17 PM ]

And last Friday I came home rested awhile then practiced jibengong sigh I realize I'm getting worse because my left side is like entirely retarded and useless -.- Hahaha.

-

I don't feel good enough, I don't think I'm good enough, I probably am not good enough.
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I take so long to understand just one maths question and I can't write proper LA things anymore and I can't do the zillion jibengong things that I wished I could and I can't memorise 70+ chengyu by today and if the test is tomorrow, I can't pass, and I can't run 2.4 in 14 minutes and I can't stop getting migraine on and off and I can't be the top and I can't sleep early because I have to revise maths therefore in the morning I get migraine and when I come back home I can't stay awake cause I'm too sleepy then I stay up late into the night doing work and the cycle repeats itself, and I can't beat somebody in academics and I can't find the time for a study session and I can't I can't I can't.

SUCH EASY THINGS TO SOME AND SUCH DIFFICULT THINGS TO ME.

You know, there are some people whom you admire, you wish you could be like them. You think. How do they do it? And then there are the people you think you're better than. You think. Why they so lousy o.o

I don't think anyone admires me, lol. Because I don't even admire myself.
I feel so much frustration that I just feel like stopping time and lying down for a century to rest just so I can catch up with the rest of the world.

There are so many things I have to do, so many things I want so badly to do, but just don't find the strength to. I really want things to go right. But I haven't the energy left for that.

When I was in Kong Hwa, I wanted to be the top in whatever I was good at. I really, really WANTED to be the top, just the top, or somewhere near there, and nothing else. Not average or poor. Just the top. I wanted to get top 10 for napfa run and top 10 for CA/SA and do the straightest splits and the best xiayao and hmm what else is there I wanted to be top in English and blahblahblah. Now that's impossible.

I'm not good enough.
What type of person am I man.
Sigh. I still have to revise Maths and learn 70+++++++ chengyu.
Done with the shape poem, though :)
Bye.
Don't bother giving me a pep talk or anything. And thanks Natasha for being there :)